


can I call you tonight?

by meghanisbad



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Autoerotic Asphyxiation, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Hands, Karl is George's wingman, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Praise Kink, Slow Burn (ish), Smut, dream is flirty, george is a poet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:14:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28119015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meghanisbad/pseuds/meghanisbad
Summary: George struggles with his feelings for Clay and finds an outlet in the form of writing poetry.With help from strangers online and close friends he attempts to navigate through their friendship which may be beginning to become something more...~~includes lyrics from the song 'can I call you tonight' by dayglow
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 99
Kudos: 365





	1. Beauty sleep

**Author's Note:**

> hello ! this is my first dnf fanfic ever and my first fanfic I've written in over 5 years !! so please do tell me any improvements/ suggestions and be kind :) also I will mostly be referring to Dream as Clay (unless in speech) warning: some fics may include 18+ content !
> 
> also all poems in this series will be written by me, so apologies if they aren't great!
> 
> finally, if any CC's are uncomfortable with this fic I will happily take it down !

Startled by a far too loud _ping,_ George grunted and stirred lazily from his sleep. He rubbed his eyes and glanced to his phone, the source of his forceful awakening. His screen lit up with a text from Sapnap: 

"Get on discord rn sleepyhead, Dream is streaming!"

George groaned and checked the time: 4am. He sighed, it was pretty early but since he struggled to keep a regular sleep schedule he had fallen asleep early anyway, meaning he wasn't too tired. George typed back a quick reply and climbed out of bed groggily.

Slowly pulling on a pair of sweats and a jumper, George headed out of his bedroom towards the kitchen.

His London apartment wasn't exactly big but it suited George's needs perfectly. There was a medium sized kitchen with a sleek black and white colour scheme, a small bedroom painted light grey, which was where he streamed and recorded all of his videos, and of course a bathroom and spare office room for storage. He liked it here, occasionally he felt pangs of loneliness as his two closest friends lived thousands of miles away. But, London was familiar and comfortable so he was happy here most of the time.

When he entered the kitchen, he poured himself a glass of cold water and made some toast in an attempt to feel more awake. To his surprise it actually worked so he decided he'd join their call.

George sighed and sat down in his chair behind his desk and clicked on the computer. It took a couple seconds to load everything in. When it did he hovered over the discord icon, took a deep breath and clicked on it. 

As soon as he joined the call he was met with a screaming Clay. 

"Hi guy- whoa what's going on?!" he laughed, already understanding the vibe of today's stream.

"Oh shoot sorry George! Bad timing I just died to lava." Clay replied seeming slightly irritated but he was laughing a little, so clearly not too upset.

"Yea, Dream is trying to speedrun but he keeps messing up in the nether." Sapnap added giggling as he said it.

"It's not funny Sapnap, that was a solid run I just screwed up!" Clay replied but he was laughing too, his fall into lava was timed to perfection with George's arrival. 

"Sorry about that George, Sapnap didn't wake you up for this disaster of a speedrun stream did he?" Clay said whilst loading up a new world. 

George had pulled up Clay's stream separately so he could watch what was going on. "No not really, I was kinda awake anyways." George lied. He wasn't sure why he felt the need to make sure he didn't worry Clay but he made sure of it anyway.

"Good good, wouldn't want you missing out on any beauty sleep now would we." Clay replied with a mischievous chuckle. "Not that you need it though." He added earning a hearty laugh from Sapnap. 

George blushed and immediately cursed himself for doing so. _Dream is always like this, it doesn't mean anything._ "Whatever you say Dream." was all he could bring himself to say whilst his cheeks were tinted rose. 

Clay's new world looked promising and they all knew it as their conversation had started to die down whilst Clay focused on getting a good time. He'd entered the nether with good pace and everyone on the call held their breath in anticipation of him finding the fortress quickly. Luckily he found it with ease and soon enough he was heading to the stronghold.

George and Sapnap spoke words of encouragement as it looked like he was going to get a new personal best. 

George knew that Clay's end fight was a bit longer than he would have wanted but he ended up jumping into the portal 45 seconds under his old personal best time.

The call burst to life, everyone releasing the tension that had been building. The chat was also spamming cheers and congratulations for Clay.

"Let's go Dream!! That was awesome bro!" Sapnap shouted giddily as Clay could be heard celebrating in the background.

"Thank you man, ah that was so good!" Clay replied audibly excited still.

"Well done Dream! Great job I'm so proud of you!" George joined in, a genuine smile forming.

"All thanks to you Georgie, my lucky charm." Clay said and even though George couldn't see him, he knew that Clay had that classic cheeky grin plastered on his face.

George felt tiny wings fluttering in his stomach as his breath hitched and got caught in his throat. _Georgie._ He shrugged it off, too caught up in his happiness for Clay's win to pay it much attention. But he made a mental note about Clay calling him 'Georgie', his stomach did flips just thinking about it.

* * *

The stream lasted another 2 hours or so after Clay's good run. There were multiple failed attempts and a few decent runs. George listened as Clay said goodbye to his viewers and he ended the stream. He realised it must have been around 1am in Florida and even later in Texas so he was expecting Clay and Sapnap to head straight off to bed.   
  
"I think I'm gonna get some rest now guys." Sapnap said through a yawn. 

"Yeah me too. Goodnight guys, thanks for joining the stream." Clay replied also sounding tired, unsurprising since speedrunning takes up a lot of energy.

"No worries Dream, sleep well all!" George said, sadly now wide awake and wondering what to do with the rest of his day.

They all left the call and George was about to catch up on some YouTube videos when he heard a soft _ping_ from his phone. Furrowing his brows in confusion, he checked to see who it was from. _Dream and Sapnap just went to bed so who's texting me this early?_

His phone lit up with a notification; it was a Snapchat from Clay. Even more confused, George opened the snap hesitantly, his heart rate already beginning to climb.

It was a picture of Clay in his bed with the sheets covering his face so only the top of his sandy blonde hair was visible. It was captioned: 'getting my much needed beauty sleep!'

A smile split across George's face. It was rare that Clay sent photos like this to him and even rarer that it included any of him in it. 

He opened his camera and took a picture of him with a thumbs up. Remembering Clay's words to him earlier he captioned it: 'not that you need it though :]' 

Clay opened it. _He probably doesn't remember saying that, what if he thinks I'm being weird?_ George worried, suddenly aware of the fact he'd been holding onto what Clay had said earlier. He tugged slightly at his hair, an anxious habit he'd developed growing up.

After what felt like the longest minute of George's life, Clay replied.

It was a picture of Clay, he was showing the side of his face: angled towards his jawline with a few strands of his hair visible too, as well as part of -what George could only describe as- a slight smirk could be seen. He had captioned it: 'using my own compliments against me huh? very sneaky Mr NotFound' 

George felt his face reddening immediately. He reread the sentence a million times. _He remembered._

Unsure how to reply, George turned his phone off and sat in silence, slightly stunned. The familiar feeling of guilt clawed it's way up to the surface. George hated how Clay could make him feel like there were a thousand tiny butterflies trapped in his stomach. But most of all, he hated that he liked that feeling.   
  
He shook his head as if that could rid him of those thoughts. Obviously unsuccessful in this, George decided to take a walk to distract himself. He needed to go to the shop anyways.

Picking up his earphones George walked out of his bedroom, down the hall and out his apartment door. He walked down the flight of stairs and out into the street, plugging in his earphones as he walked. Absentmindedly, he opened Spotify and shuffled one of his suggested playlists, heading towards his local shop. He realised it was quite early still as the sun was starting to rise, painting the sky a soft shade of orange. He smiled to himself, sunrises were one of his favourite sights.

A light-hearted, soft indie song had started playing. _Perfect distraction._ He had made it halfway to the shop when he suddenly began to pay extra attention to the lyrics:

_So, can I call you tonight?_

_I'm tryna make up my mind,_

_Just how I feel._

_Could you tell me what's real?_

He felt his heart sink as his mind wondered back to Clay and the conversation they'd just had.

_I hear your voice on the phone,_

_Now I'm no longer alone._

_Could you tell me what's real anymore?_

_Cause I wouldn't know._

Tears threatened to spill from his eyes as he resonated with the lyrics a little too much. But he had now reached the shop so he forced them away and tried to shake off thoughts of Clay.

He pushed open the shop door and began searching the isles for whatever he needed. The bitter lyrics mixed with it's soft sound had captivated George. He looped the song and soon found comfort in it's relatability. He paid for his items quickly and left the shop with Clay still firmly on his mind.

* * * 

Once he was home again George was immediately met by the sound his cat meowing. A smile formed at his lips as he fussed over her. He realised he should probably feed her too as it's morning now. So he set down his shopping and quickly put down a bowl of food for her and then headed back to his room.

It's not long until his mind drifts back to the song he'd been listening to and Clay and how it had made him feel.

Recently George had developed a bit of a habit of expressing these feelings in the form of poetry. It relaxed him and gave him a creative outlet. As well as reassurance from supportive comments left by strangers.

He sat down at his computer, opened up a blank document and let the words flow from his mind. He began typing:

_ when will my love come to me? _

_ estranged for so long I'm afraid, _

_ my skin will crumble beneath your lips and _

_ my hands won't understand your gentle touch, _

_ do your eyes shimmer emerald or _

_ has the distance tired them dull and mossy? _

_ I yearn to intertwine my soul with yours and _

_never let you go_.

He bit his lip and reread the poem a dozen times until he was satisfied with it. Finally happy that it was alright, he uploaded it to his website: 'tales from a mending heart'. He'd only written a few poems, gaining him a handful of kind commenters and followers. But he was grateful for them all as he felt seen, a rare feeling for George. 

He glanced over at some of the comments that had been left previously:

Lizzy223- 'Great work from the author as usual!'

Foal03- 'Lovely words, one of my favourites so far!'

George smiled, he was certainly no professional poet but he liked to think that he was somewhat good at it. 

A new username caught his eye, this one was commented under the poem he had just submitted minutes ago.

Nightmare- 'Simply beautiful, the author has stolen words from my mind that I couldn't articulate. I look forward to reading more!'

Out of curiosity George clicked on their profile. He was met with a mostly blank looking profile, obviously this "nightmare" person had very recently made their account. The only information visible was their age (21) and their gender (male). George decided to follow them back.

A yawn escaped his lips and George noticed how heavy his eyes felt. He'd only been awake for a few hours but it was pretty early still so he decided he could try fixing his sleep schedule since no one else was up anyway. 

He slipped off his joggers and his jumper and laid down onto his bed. Soon enough he felt himself drifting off to sleep, thoughts empty except for the soft melodies of his new favourite song.


	2. Absolutely fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George takes the first steps in admitting to himself and others what he had suspected for a while...
> 
> !!attention!! after I post this chapter all my usernames will be changed to "meghanisbad" for privacy reasons. If you were here before the change, congrats hehe :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: I do not ship George and Dream, this is just for fun !
> 
> if any CC's are uncomfortable with this fic I will happily take it down !

George could not stop thinking about that damn song. 2 days had passed now and it was on his mind constantly. As well, of course, as Clay.

It came to mind especially now as he was currently streaming with Sapnap, Karl and Dream. They were on the SMP just goofing around. But George had noticed Clay was being particularly quiet, he put it down to tiredness as he had been complaining about not getting much sleep before the stream started.

All of a sudden, he was pulled from his thoughts by some obnoxious screaming.

“Screw you George!” Sapnap was yelling down his mic as his character punched George’s.

“Sapnap what the hell are you doing?!” George responded, caught off guard by this sudden playful attack.

“Yeah get him Sapnap!” Karl joined in the fight, giggling the whole time.

“Dream help, they’re gonna kill me!” George shouted, trying to include his friend in the hopes of cheering him up.

“Typical George, always running to Daddy Dream when he needs help.” Sapnap tutted, making Karl laugh.

“I- I don’t do that.” George responded, a little too quickly and far too flustered. He heard Clay chuckle at his reaction and he winced, his face was instantly painted a deep crimson.

“Keep it in your pants Sapnap, I’m on my way.” Clay replied sounding a little cocky.

George suddenly became aware of the fact that he was streaming with his facecam on as his chat began to point out that his cheeks were turning the colour of fire. He cleared his throat and took a sip of water hoping that it would calm him down. Much to his relief, it seemed to work. He prayed that none of them, especially Clay, were watching the stream. No one made any comments or jokes, so he relaxed, assuming that he’d gotten away with it.

The stream had been going a little while now and he wanted to end it, but he hated that post-stream feeling. Especially when everyone quiets down and one by one they announce that they have to go do this thing or that thing.

His apartment feels the most lonely when their laughs aren’t there to paint the walls and fill it’s rooms. The silence that replaces them is almost deafening. He let out a long sigh, the stream couldn’t go on forever, he knew this of course so he gave himself five more minutes to enjoy the life that currently flowed through his home.

He smiled and laughed along as they all fought each other and screamed so loud he was sure that his neighbours would complain. But he didn’t care, this was when George was his happiest so he wasn’t going to let any worries get to him right now.

Five minutes seemed to pass in seconds.

Grudgingly, he said,“Hey guys I should probably end stream now, we’ve been going for…” George glanced over at the time to check how long he’d been live. “… wow, almost 3 hours now.” _Had it really been that long?_

“Aw bye bye Georgie,” Clay said and George rolled his eyes. “and also goodbye chat!” he added, George noted that Clay sounded much better now than he had at the start of the stream.

Everyone said their goodbyes and George reluctantly ended stream. It was time for the part he hated; saying goodbye to everyone on the call.

Sapnap was the first to leave, he had to go to bed apparently. Clay left next to edit a video that they had filmed the other day. That just left George and Karl in the call. He expected him to leave too, but to his surprise he didn’t. Instead he spoke:

“Hey George, I noticed that Clay was kinda quiet today, everything okay with him?” He sounded genuinely concerned. George and Karl hadn’t spoken alone on many occasions like this, but he felt totally comfortable speaking to him.

“Yeah I noticed that too, I’m pretty sure he’s okay though, he was just tired I think.” George replied sincerely.

“Ah okay good, he certainly seemed to perk up after that ‘Daddy Dream’ joke.” Karl said, laughing at the memory.

“Oh, you picked up on that too?” George suddenly felt shy and he pulled lightly on his hair as his nerves started creeping up.

“Yeah man, I was watching your stream too, you seemed a little…” Karl trailed off and the call fell silent as he searched for the right words. “…thrown off?”

George could feel his heart hammering in his chest. _Was it that obvious?_

He swallowed and spoke, “Oh um I guess I just wasn’t expecting it that's all.”

“Okay well if you ever want to talk about anything you know where to find me.” Karl replied, clearly unconvinced by his answer. “I won’t ever judge you.” He added reassuringly.

George barely understood his feelings himself. How could he possibly begin to communicate them to anyone else? But maybe letting someone in wasn’t such a bad idea, he wasn’t really getting anywhere on his own so perhaps this was what he needed.

Every time George opened his mouth to try to tell Karl, the words got caught in his throat. Frustrated, he wracked he brain to think of a way to get around this. Then, an idea occurred to him. And in a moment of bravery he decided to follow it through.

“I- um, I’m going to send you a link to something okay? Please just keep this between us.” George’s fingers trembled slightly as he tried to find what he was looking for.

“Of course, this stays between us.” Karl said firmly but kindly.

“Alright, I sent it to you on discord, so you should see it now.” George said nervously, the tugging at his hair was starting to hurt. Regret was already seeping in and George had to fight the urge to leave the call.

“I think so, um ‘tales of a mending heart’ is that it?” Karl read aloud and George’s heart rate skyrocketed, there was no turning back now.

“Yeah that’s it. It’s a collection of some poetry that I’ve written recently.” George bit his lip, this was the hard bit. “They’re about Clay.” He confessed, his heart now beating like a drum.

“I see, give me a couple minutes to read them okay man?” Karl said reassuringly.

A soft “Okay.” Was all George could muster. He felt so vulnerable, he’d never even told anyone about his poems let alone shown them. They were so personal, he felt exposed, as if his entire mind was on display and subject to scrutiny. He braced himself, preparing for the worst case scenario. _What if he thinks I’m crazy?_

He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He couldn’t stand the silence, it ate him up. _He definitely thinks I’m crazy._

Karl finally broke the silence and pulled George out of his spiralling. “George these are…” George held his breath, ready for the worst. “They’re beautiful, I mean you write so beautifully. I’m quite touched actually.”

George was stunned. He hadn’t anticipated that reaction at all. “Oh um, thank you Karl.” His hand finally left his hair alone and he started to calm down.

“I’m serious, these are brilliant. Does Clay know that you’ve written these… does he know how you feel about him?” Karl questioned cautiously.

“No. Nobody knows. I- I don’t even know how I feel, if I even feel anything at all. I was just y’know venting I guess.” George replied which was mostly true, he wasn’t sure of any of this.

“Well thank you for showing me these, I know that can’t have been easy. Are you planning on talking to him about this or…” Karl was careful not to push him too much.

“I-I- I really don’t know, it’s all very… confusing.” George stammered, this was starting to get too much, a bit too real now that he’s told someone. His anxiety started to pick up again.

“Okay, that's okay. You can take your time to figure everything out. I’ll support you no matter what happens.” Karl said sensing George's uneasiness.

“Thank you Karl, I really do appreciate this.” George tried to push away the doubt and worry but it was beginning to consume him again. “I’ve got to go now though, thanks again for everything.” George said trying his best to sound sincere even through his nerves.

“No worries man, anytime. I’m always here.” The warmth and affection was so clear in his words that it brought a light smile to George’s face.

He clicked the leave call button. And then came that all too familiar quiet loneliness.

Unable to shake the feeling, George decided he needed to distract himself further for a bit. Since it was already open, he looked through his website to check if there had been any more responses to his recent poem.

He was met with comments from his regular fans which made him smile. He was about to click off of the website to go do something else when out of the corner of his eye George noticed that he had a DM.

He perked up slightly and when he opened it he was met with a message from his newest follower ‘nightmare’. It said;

“Hello there! I just wanted to message you personally to say that your poems really spoke to me. They even helped me understand myself a little better and I just wanted to say thank you for sharing :)”

George smiled, he’d never had such a nice, personal message like this before in reaction to his poems. He began typing his response:

“Thank you so much kind stranger! I’m so glad that I could help you, I think they’re also starting to help me too :]” He wasn’t sure why he’d opened up quite like that to a stranger but after telling Karl, this oddly felt much easier. Less pressure perhaps? To his surprise, he got a response straight away.

“No problem man! I was just wondering if you wrote them about a particular person, are they all about the same person too?”

George certainly was not expecting to have this conversation twice today. _Fuck it, telling a stranger can’t do any harm right?_

“Actually yes, they’re all about a…” _Friend? Best friend? Crush..?_ “…a long term friend that I’ve started developing feelings for.” As soon as he hit send, the words were out there in the world.

George had feelings for Clay.

Once again, a response came quickly. “Oh man that’s tough, does she/he know?”

George felt an odd connection to this stranger, he opened up some more. “No, he doesn’t know. I’m not sure he ever will.” It felt good to be so honest for once.

“You’ll never know if you never try.” Came their reply.

“I know. I’m just not ready to sacrifice the friendship.” He was typing without thinking now, but he realised that everything he was saying was true. _How has a random guy made me understand myself more than I have in months?_

“I understand. Well, good luck my friend. I look forward to future updates :) Goodbye for now.” And that was the final message that nightmare sent.

George rubbed circles into his temples. It’s been a brutal few hours and it had completely exhausted him.

_Ping!_

George groaned. _What now?_

He grabbed his phone whilst heading over to his bed to get more comfortable. But he was immediately on high alert again. It was Clay. The message read:

“Hey George, do you have a minute? I’m editing the video and I need some advice.”

He typed back quickly, “Yea sure, what’s up?”

“Easier to explain over call.” Clay sent back.

_Fuck._

George always had to mentally prepare himself for a phone call with Clay, something about the one on one intimacy sent chills down his spine. But he had no time to think because Clay had already started ringing him. George took a deep breath and answered.

“Hey George, What’s up?” Clay said, he sounded tired again.

“Nothing much, what do you need help with?” Short, simple, straight to the point and no room for error.

“Oh um, just wanted your thoughts on this section, I’m not sure if it’s good enough for the video but it’s pretty funny I think.” Clay said and George felt his phone vibrate as he received a notification from him.

George watched the clip and sure enough it was funny and definitely video worthy. “Don’t know why you needed my opinion here Dream this is great.” He said after watching it.

“Oh cool, thanks…” Clay trailed off.

“Was there anything else?” George questioned, it seemed like there was something more that he wanted to say.

“No, I guess not, thanks for the help.” Clay responded but George wasn’t convinced. But then he had an ingenious idea to lighten the mood.

He giggled before saying, “No worries, Daddy Dream.”

George could’ve sworn he heard Clay’s breath hitch, then he said “Screw you calling me ‘Daddy Dream’ like it doesn’t turn you on just saying it.” George’s heart stopped. _What did he just say?_

Clay continued, “I saw you earlier, you were blushing on stream for minutes because of what Sapnap said.” He sounded cocky as ever.

George was completely lost for words. _What the hell is happening?_ He could feel butterflies rising in his stomach again, how does Clay do this to him?

Thankfully before he could respond, Clay chuckled and said, “I’m screwing with you George, relax.”

George’s heart sank. _Why was he disappointed?_

“Oh yeah, good one Dream. It was actually just warm in my room so um yeah.” _Did that lie sound as bad as it felt?_

“Yeah man, sure. Anyways I gotta get this video done tonight so I’ll talk to you later okay?” Clay replied, his voice laced with sarcasm. Then he added, “Goodnight Georgie.” His voice a little softer sounding this time. Clay ended the call before George got the chance to respond.

George sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. He kept replaying the same sentences over and over. _Like_ _it doesn’t turn you on... I saw you... Fuck._

His face flushed red and he bit his lip. _Maybe he was right, maybe it did turn him on._

He shook his head, Clay was joking right? He even said so himself. But George could’ve sworn he'd heard Clay react to what he said, but maybe he was just hearing things.

Lately George has found it more and more difficult to tell the difference between Clay and Dream. Ever since Clay had started getting more popular on YouTube and he started to take it more seriously, the lines between his online and offline self had started to blur.

Most notably, George had noticed some of his flirty, jokey behaviour had spilled over into their private conversations and he couldn’t tell if it was real or not. He wasn’t sure that he wanted to know the answer.

Things were fine as they are. Clay didn’t need to know how George felt and George didn’t have to know how Clay felt.

Everything was absolutely fine.

Right? 

He sighed heavily, he'd ponder that another day, there had been far too much soul searching done today and he was completely wiped out.  
  
He settled down into bed, holding onto the sheets a little tighter than usual. And he let the waves of unconsciousness pull him deeper into it's clutches and soon enough he was fast asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so so much for all the support on my first chapter!! I was absolutely blown away by your kind comments here on ao3 and on tiktok too.  
> I worked v hard to get you this chapter quickly, I hope it doesn't disappoint!
> 
> !!attention!! after I post this chapter all my usernames will be changed to "meghanisbad" for privacy reasons. If you were here before the change, congrats hehe :)


	3. Pancakes for breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George wakes up in a unfamiliar setting and makes another leap towards a confession...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted this chapter up for Christmas but I've been super busyyyy And I struggled a bit with the flow. This is also a slightly longer chapter!  
> Hope it's worth the wait! You guys are the best <3

Bright light forced George's eyes to snap open. He sat up slowly as he adjusted to his new surroundings. His brain gradually caught up with his eyes as he realised that he wasn't sat in his bed or in his bedroom as he was expecting.

Confusion began ebbing its way in, but oddly George wasn't afraid. Something told him that he had no need to be scared here.

He glanced down and noticed that he was dressed in a loose fitting blue t-shirt and light grey joggers. The unfamiliar double bed he sat in had charcoal sheets that were patterned with lime green swirls. He noted that they smelt slightly like vanilla and sea salt. 

Shifting his gaze upwards, he took in the rest of the bedroom. The walls were painted white and the room was kept tidy, there wasn't much furniture except for a desk and a computer set up that was similar to his own.

There was also a small window that looked out onto a vast stretch of sand and sea. The sun was just beginning to peak up above the horizon which lit up the sky with bursts of deep oranges and soft yellows. George smiled gleefully, he'd never seen such a breathtaking sunrise before. 

He decided to get up and explore more of this mysterious place.

He swung his legs out of bed and shuffled towards the door, but froze the second his fingers touched the cool metal of the handle.

He could faintly hear what sounded like someone humming. But it was too muffled to identify properly, so he cautiously twisted the handle and opened the door in order to hear it better.

He was met with a hallway that extended to the left and to the right. The walls were bare but there were a few more windows that looked out onto more beach and a large, vibrant back garden.

He slowly walked left, following the direction of the sound, he could now confirm that it was indeed a gentle hum that he could hear. As he got even closer, George could tell that it was the voice of a man. He faintly recognised the tune that they were softly muttering but he couldn't quite place it.

He'd reached the entrance to a room on his right where the humming was coming from. Tentatively, George peaked around the corner to get a closer look.

He immediately identified this room as the kitchen. There was a dining table at the far end, he noticed two plates were set up at opposite ends. To the left side there was a fridge and some oak wood cupboards. To the right side there was an oven with a stove and a tall, blonde man with his back to George, hunched over a frying pan.

George's eyes widened and he whipped his head back around the corner. 

_Who the hell was that?_

He heard the figure singing softly to himself:

_So, can I call you tonight?_

_I'm trying to make up my mind,_

_Just how I feel..._

George felt frozen in place. He realised why he had recognised the humming. It was the song that he'd felt such a deep connection to. But he still didn't understand where he was, who this place belonged to and how they knew his song.

But all of that didn't seem to matter much as he was suddenly greeted with a familiar, friendly smell. _Pancakes._

George was flooded with an intense feeling of nostalgia. He sighed happily as memories of his childhood came flooding in. The sound of laughing, fingers sticky with syrup, the feeling of warm hugs and soft kisses on his cheek. He was grinning happily, lost in his thoughts until the sound of drawers opening and clanging cutlery brought him back to the present, where he was standing timidly in this unfamiliar hallway. 

George wasn't entirely sure what to do next, but he felt drawn to this person, whoever they were. So, he walked slowly around the corner and into the room. Once again, he saw the man. He was taller than George, his hair was dirty blonde and messy. He was wearing an emerald green hoodie and black sweats. He was still humming to himself quietly whilst flipping a pancake. 

George cleared his throat to indicate his presence, trying not to startle him. The blonde man turned around and grinned at George as if he had been expecting him.

Now confronted with his face, George noticed that he had freckles sprinkled across his cheeks. His eyes were a gorgeous and unique shade of green, complemented nicely by his hoodie. His skin was a soft tan shade that highlighted his constellation of freckles.

George felt it instantaneously. A feeling that started in his heart where it built up traction, rising steadily up his throat and into his mouth and-

"Dream?" 

His voice came out softer and quieter than he'd anticipated.

"Hey George, I made us pancakes." Clay said with a smile whilst lifting up his frying pan to demonstrate.

"I- um hello, thank you Dream, they smell great." George was too stunned to question how any of this was even possible. He walked over to the table and sat down where a plate was set out.

George watched in awe as Clay finished frying up the last pancake. _Was this really happening?_

Clay arranged the pancakes into a stack and walked over to George with the plate of pancakes in one hand and a bottle of syrup in the other. 

"I hope you like them, I know they're American style but I couldn't find any recipes for English ones." Clay said, sitting down at the opposite end of the table to George, still smiling.

"Oh um that's okay, these look great, thank you." George replied, still dumbfounded by the whole situation. _What the hell was going on?_

Clay flashed a toothy grin at him and picked up the pancake on top of the stack along with a chocolate spread. "Did you sleep well? I didn't want to wake you as you looked so cute fast asleep." Clay asked casually.

George dropped his fork and his mouth hung open slightly. _What did he just say?_

"Where am I?" George asked, ignoring Clay's question, this just didn't feel right at all and George was determined to know why.

"You're in Florida, silly, at my house." Clay said in between mouthfuls of pancake. 

"But... how?" George furrowed his brows in confusion, he was positive that he'd fallen asleep in his London apartment...

"Well, you're not actually here Georgie. You're only dreaming that you're here." Clay said, frowning slightly, a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Oh." George said. It all made sense now, the pieces of the puzzle had slotted into place. A deep rooted sense of disappointed formed in the pit of his stomach.

"Why would I dream that I'm here?" George asked, although he was sure that he already knew the answer.

"I don't know man, this is your dream not mine." Clay replied, continuing to eat. 

"Okay, well how come I know that you're Dream if I've never seen your face before?" George rebutted, this one he actually didn't have an answer to. Only a gut feeling that he just somehow _knew._

Clay froze, mid-bite and said: "Oh come on now George, who else haunts your waking life enough to slip into your unconscious mind like me?" A smirk pulled at the edges of Clay's lips as he said this.

George shuddered slightly and he had to look away, no longer able to look Clay in the eyes, afraid that somehow it was painfully obvious the effect that Clay had on him, even in his own dream.

He decided that he didn't really care that this was a dream. He was just happy that he was here, seeing his best friend for the first time. Even if this was only a dream, he had gotten to see his face, _God his face was more beautiful than he ever could have imagined._

He shook his head violently. _What the fuck was he thinking?_ _This was Clay, his best friend._

At that moment, it occurred to him that he'd been so focused on his confusion that he hadn't even taken the time to commit to memory what Clay actually looked like. This might be the only chance he gets to see him for a long time, so he sure as hell wasn't going to let it go to waste.

George scanned over Clay's face, mentally noting every detail. As he did this, one word kept bubbling up inside him, demanding to be spoken:

"Gorgeous..." he mumbled, his eyes tracing over Clay's soft skin and eventually locking with his enchanting, emerald eyes.

Clay said nothing, he just smiled and finished his pancake. 

The pair ate the rest of their cooked meal in a comfortable silence. George occasionally allowed himself to stare slightly too long at Clay before accidentally making eye contact with him, which made him immediately blush and he would look away again.

"George, you know you can't stay here right?" Clay said eventually, breaking their unspoken communication.

"What do you mean?" George replied, setting down his knife and fork gently.

"You need to wake up soon." Clay said with a sympathetic smile.

George frowned and he was filled with an aching feeling. He'd only just gotten to see him and he had to leave already?

"It's okay, I'll be there in the morning. The real me." Clay said standing up and starting to clear the table.

"But that's the problem, I can't do any of this with the real you." George said solemnly. He winced as he could hear the desperation in his voice. But, he supposed it didn't matter much here as this wasn't actually Clay. He couldn't judge George here.

Clay sighed but didn't comment. Instead he said, "Hey, I'll stay with you until you wake up okay?" 

George nodded, unsure what he meant by this but more time with Clay sounded good to him.

"Follow me." Clay said setting down their plates and walking towards the hallway. 

George followed him and he lead them to the bedroom that he'd woken up in. George glanced up at Clay who was now stood at the side of the bed and without speaking he knew what Clay had meant.

Clay climbed into the bed and lied down, facing George with his back to the wall. George fought against every bit of self-doubt that told him that this was wrong and he climbed into bed to lay next to him.

He shuffled awkwardly until his back was pressed against Clay's chest. Clay wrapped his arm around George protectively and ran his fingers through his hair. _This was wrong._ George could feel his heart pounding in his chest. _We shouldn't be doing this._ Clay's breath was warm on his neck and it made him shiver. _How can being wrong, feel so good?_

His head was spinning and his heart was beating so loud that he worried that Clay could hear it. He took slow, deep breaths and reminded himself that this was just a dream, he didn't need to feel guilty here.

George noticed that just like his sheets, Clay smelled like vanilla and the sea.

He liked that. 

Clay gently pressed a light kiss onto his neck, so softly that George was almost convinced it hadn't happened. But he felt electricity flow across his whole body and it was undeniable. _Friends don't do this._

"Goodnight Georgie." Clay whispered almost imperceptibly, his voice deep and gravely. It filled George with joy just to hear it.

George squeezed his eyes shut and prayed to stay here, warm and with Clay. He didn't want to go back to a reality where he couldn't have this. 

But, he opened his eyes and was met with his own dark bedroom. He was clutching his sheets so hard that when he let them go and stretched his fingers out, he whimpered slightly from the pain.

The moon cast a soft, consoling light into his room and George felt tears pinprick his vision. 

The sheer emptiness and loneliness that washed over him made him feel incomplete. How, after having Clay so close, could he possibly ever settle for being alone again? And how could he convince himself that he didn't long for Clay in a way that friends didn't?

He reached up to touch his neck where Clay had pressed his lips so softly. Tears threatened to spill now as George ached to feel whole again. 

Overwhelmed with emotions, he dealt with this the only way he knew how, poetry. 

George rubbed the sleep from his eyes and hauled himself up out of bed and into his desk chair. His monitor fired up and George swayed slightly as his mind began racing with potential ideas. He logged onto his website, opened a new document and took a deep breath. Allowing himself to feel all the emotions he'd tried to suppress, he began typing:

_ something was missing... _

_ 10 fingers, 10 toes, 2 eyes and a mouth. _

_ my body all accounted for, _

_ but something was missing, _

_ flour, eggs, milk, sugar, vanilla. _

_ all the ingredients required for pancakes, _

_ but something was missing, _

_ me and you, so close I can feel your breath, _

_ you're here, but not really, _

_ something is missing. _

George blew out a long and heavy sigh, before uploading the poem to his site. The incomplete feeling still resonating deeply in his bones. He wondered if this would ever go away. He wished it would so that he didn't have to feel so lonely and guilty all the time.

A notification alerted him that he'd already received feedback from his new poem. A thin smile was brought to his lips as he read the familiar username: "nightmare". They had commented:

"Great poem once again! I swear you are a mind reader though, I was just thinking about making pancakes myself..." 

George chuckled to himself. At least this had cheered him up a little after his rollercoaster of a dream.

He clicked onto their conversation in his DM's and began typing a friendly message:

"Thanks for the feedback, always appreciated!" He pulled lightly on his hair before adding, "Hope the pancakes turn out tasty!" 

As usual, they were quick to reply, "No worries! Yes they certainly will, I'm a great cook!" 

George laughed a little at their self-confidence. It reminded him of- 

He shook his head a little too harshly. _Not now._

Another message came in before George had even drafted a response. "Hey, I was just wondering if I could know your name? Sorry if that's weird, I just wanted to attach some kind of personality to the poems, y'know?" 

George inhaled sharply and anxiety began to prick at his skin. He had purposely tried to keep his identity secret because of his YouTube following. He dreaded to think what kind of chaos would ensue if any of his fans found out about his poetry. What would happen if Clay-

_It's just one person right, what's the harm?_

He shrugged off every instinct that told him not to do this and shakily typed out "That's okay, my name is George. What's your name?" He bit his lip in anticipation of their response.

"Oh that's funny, one of my close friends is called George! I'm sorry if this makes me look bad but I would rather keep my identity hidden for now. I'm sorry, I hope you understand." Came nightmare's reply.

A slight pang of worry mixed with disappointment coursed through George. He tried to ignore it, wanting to remain anonymous was hardly unreasonable. 

It was at this moment that George suddenly realised that he was supposed to be on a call with Clay and Sapnap to brainstorm video ideas. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._

He rushed to open discord whilst calculating exactly how late he was. Around 25 mins he figured out. Not the end of the world but perhaps enough to ask why he was so late. And George was definitely not prepared to admit the truth to them.

George navigated his way to their groupchat cursing under his breath the whole time. When he got there though, to his surprise, only Clay was waiting in the call. He frowned, a little confused but relieved that he wasn’t the only one running late. Pushing aside everything that had just happened, George joined the call.

“Hey Dream, it’s me. Sorry I’m a bit late, where’s Sapnap?” George said.

“Oh hey George! Don’t worry about it, I think Sapnap is still asleep.” Clay said with a laugh.

“Oh right cool, so should we wait for him or..?” George hesitated. They usually bounced ideas off each other pretty well as a three. Plus, he felt a little worried about the idea of one on one time with Clay right now.

“Nah, we can just reschedule. How are you though, been up to much lately?” Clay asked nonchalantly.

_Oh not much, just dreaming about you and contemplating every conversation we’ve ever had._

He settled for just, “Not much, what about you?”

“Yea me too.” Clay said and then added, “Oh actually I did just make some killer pancakes though.”

George swore that his heart stopped beating.

“Wh-what?” He stammered.

“Yeah, I had this super weird dream about pancakes so I thought I’d make some.”

If it hadn’t before, George’s heart had definitely stopped now.

“George? You there?” Clay said, George heard him shifting in his chair on the other end of the call.

“Yeah, sorry..” Did he dare tell Clay about his own dream? Images of jet black sheets and bodies interwoven rushed to his mind. “… that’s such a coincidence, me too.” George laughed nervously, testing the waters.

“No way! What um- what happened?” Clay said, _did he sound nervous too?_

“Um not much really.” He lied. “But, you were there actually.” George winced and held his breath as soon as the words left his mouth. They hung heavy in the air until Clay finally responded.

“You were in mine too.” He admitted sheepishly.

The air was knocked from George’s lungs.

“N-nothing um weird happened or anything. You were just like cooking me pancakes and I was in London somehow. That was it really.” Clay rushed to say. That sounded very similar to George's own dream.

“Are you fucking with me right now?” George mumbled, unable to believe that they had such similar experiences.

“What? No man, it was just a stupid dream. Forget about it.” Clay said, he sounded a little hurt.

“No wait- I.” George huffed, annoyed with himself that he couldn’t just say this more easily. “My dream was pretty much the same, except I was in Florida and you cooked for me.” He said, that was as all he could bare to say and it made him almost lightheaded with anxiety.

Clay didn’t reply.

“Did anything else happen?” Clay said softly.

George had no idea how to respond. The truth was almost impossible to say but lying to Clay felt wrong. Besides he was convinced that Clay knew whenever he was lying anyways. George took a long, deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut as if that could make him feel more confident.

“Well, I guess sorta.” His heart was soaring. “I fell asleep in well, in your bed um with you there.” He thought he was about to pass out.

Silence.

Clay said nothing. Every second that passed, George inched closer and closer to just leaving the call. He felt so stupid, _what was he thinking?_

Just as George was about to click the leave call button, an alert sounded from discord, signifying that someone had joined their call.

“Hey guys, so sorry I’m late. I overslept.” Sapnap said with a yawn.

George silently thanked and cursed Sapnap for this distraction. He supposed that their conversation would have to resume another day, or even better, just forgotten about altogether.

Clay was still silent. George felt like this throat was closing up and when he tried to speak, no sound came out.

“Very funny guys, I’m too tired for this shit.” Sapnap said and another alert sounded to announce his exit from the call.

Clay cleared his throat and George braced himself.

“I should go. I’m sorry George I-“ He heard him mutter something under his breath but he couldn’t make it out. George thought that was the end of it and he expected Clay to leave at any second.

“We’ll talk soon, okay Georgie?" Clay's voice was low and his voice laced with hesitance but also affection. "Just, not right now alright?” He heard the alert that Clay had left the call and George was bathed in silence again.

George was stunned. A wave of confusion, anxiety and embarrassment crashed over him. But there was a tiny sliver of hope that was fighting it’s way up.

He held onto the way that Clay had just called him Georgie. He breathed in. _Georgie._ He breathed out. _Georgie._

Had he just imagined the affection?

He guessed that he would find out soon as Clay said, whenever that was. Their conversation would have to be continued another day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for your continued support! check out my tiktok and Twitter if ya want more info on updates :) both @meghanisbad


	4. The things you do to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George and Clay finally have their much needed conversation. But how will it end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for being patient with me while I worked on this chapter ! <3

George sat in his desk chair swaying slightly as he listened to the gentle patter of rain on his window. A week had passed since his dream about Clay and their subsequent conversation. The air he breathed felt much heavier, as if it took more effort simply to inhale and exhale.

He’d been distant from friends. Rarely joining streams or replying to texts. Walking felt more difficult, lifting a phone was agony and when he tried to speak, the words fizzled out in his throat. The anxiety of his imminent conversation with Clay was at the forefront of his mind, there was no room for anything else. Every day that passed allowed him more time to replay their previous conversation over in his head, overanalysing everything that was said. He closed his eyes and he was back there again.

_You were in mine too._

_It was just a stupid dream. Forget about it._

_We’ll talk soon, okay Georgie?_

Tears began to build and George worried his lip that was already cracked from days of biting and nervous thoughts. He’d returned to their conversation a hundred times since it happened and every time he came to a different conclusion: he was just messing with me, what if maybe he feels something too, this is all just some elaborate prank. He believed all of them to be equally likely.

George blew out a shaky breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding and glanced over to look out his window. The moon was high in the sky, blanketed in darkness. It was surrounded by stars. They appear close together to the human eye, but in reality they are separated by hundreds of lightyears. George sighed a little, he felt like the moon at the moment. Seemingly surrounded by people but he’d never felt so alone.

As if on cue, a soft ping came from his computer. A message from Karl had popped up on discord. George smiled weakly, _maybe it was time to reach out again._ The message from Karl read:

“Hey man, just checking in on you again, I noticed that you added a new poem to your site. I’m guessing it’s about Clay, did you want to talk about it?”

A bittersweet feeling rose from the pit of George’s stomach. It was nice of Karl to have noticed that George updated his poems but the idea of talking about Clay and his dream tied knots inside him. He peaked over to look at the moon again, it was shining brightly through the dark clouds of the night. George tugged lightly at his hair and mustered up enough courage to type back a reply.

“Hi, yeah I’m sorry about disappearing for a bit. Wanna call me and talk?” He surprised himself at his own offer to call. Karl was quick to respond.

“No worries! Sounds good :)” He sent back and a couple of seconds passed before a call was started.

After exchanging a few pleasantries, asking how each other were and what they’ve been up to, Karl tentatively ignited the conversation that they’d really called for:

“Hey, so what’s up with the new poem? It’s great by the way, it just seemed a little like you were upset when you wrote it.” Karl said.

“Oh yeah, I was sorta overwhelmed and feeling lonely I guess. It is about Clay like you’d guessed,” George fiddled with the hem of his shirt, mentally fighting his anxiety in order to be honest with Karl. “I’d had a dream about him um and me.” He paused, weighing up how much of the truth he wanted to reveal. “He made me pancakes, hence the reference to them in the poem. And we um, we hugged for a bit. But y’know it felt wrong because it wasn’t really him, that’s what I meant by ‘something was missing’.” George pulled a bit harsher on his hair, wincing as he did. He felt embarrassed for admitting such intimate details to Karl.

“I see. That’s tough man.” Karl said sincerely.

“Yeah, that isn’t really the reason why I’ve been absent though.” George was working up to telling him the rest of what had happened, his leg started bouncing as he got more nervous.

“Okay, do you want to tell me what happened? It’s okay if you’re not comfortable though.” Karl replied, his tone genuine.

“No that’s alright, I need to tell someone or I might explode.” George said earning a light chuckle from them both. “Basically, me and Dream were talking afterwards and we both had a similar dream about each other. But before we could really talk about it, we were interrupted by Sapnap so we didn’t get to finish the conversation. Dream said that we’d talk soon but it’s been a week now.” He was rushing through his sentences hoping it would be over quicker that way.

Karl said nothing, sensing that George hadn’t quite finished yet. He hadn’t. He quietly added, “I have’t stopped thinking about it. He’s on my mind everyday.”

Tears that had been brimming now began to spill down George’s cheeks. The moonlight softly highlighted them as gentle rivers running down his face. He rushed to wipe them away, feeling silly for getting so upset.

“Oh George, I’m sorry. That sounds really stressful, so you guys haven’t spoken at all since then?” Karl replied, if he’d heard George crying he didn’t say anything.

George sniffed and said, “No. We never go this long without talking. I miss him, I miss his voice and his stupid laugh.” He hadn’t meant to let that last bit slip but it was too late now.

Karl didn’t say anything for a bit, George worried that he’d said something weird or too personal. He could faintly hear the sound of Karl’s mouse clicking in the background and then he spoke, “Well, Dream is live right now,” George heard him hesitate before continuing, “since you’ve been missing him, do you want to join the call or just watch or…” he trailed off.

George felt like a terrible friend for not even knowing that Clay had gone live. He felt nerves mixed with excitement creep up his spine. He could talk to Clay at last, not about anything significant but just hearing his voice seemed like a good enough step right now.

“We could join the call, I’d like that.” George said quietly.

“Okay I’ll see you there.” Karl replied sweetly.

A disconnect tone sounded signalling Karl had left their call to join an ongoing call that currently included Dream and Sapnap. George pulled up Clay’s stream separately, building up the courage to join their call. It’d been so long since they had spoken and he began to worry. _Will it be weird? Does he even remember the dream or has he forgotten about it entirely?_

A million thoughts raced through his head at a rapid rate that now matched his heart. He shook his head harshly and took in deep breaths in order to calm down.

“It’s okay, what’s the worst that could happen? There’s other people on the call so it won’t even be just me and him.” George muttered to himself in reassurance.

He nodded in content and confidently clicked on the button to join the call.

His ears were immediately flooded with the sound of laughter. Karl and Sapnap were both giggling, clearly something had set them both off. But George was most drawn to Clay’s voice, he must have only been half paying attention cause his laugh was low and gravely. George swallowed and tried to stop his cheeks heating up from the sound of Clay’s honey laugh.

He thought he’d got it under control until he heard Clay say “Oh come on now guys, stop it wasn’t that funny.” His voice rumbled and he sounded like he was smirking. George felt himself go weak at the knees from Clay’s sultry voice.

George cleared his throat before finally speaking up, “Hello.” Was all he could manage to say. He mentally chastised himself for being so nervous.

“Oh hey there George, how are you?” Clay said, he sounded normal, if a little guarded.

The group caught up a little bit and made some back and forth jokes for a while. They soon seemed to settle into a natural rhythm that made their streams so entertaining. Everything was going well much to George’s relief. That is until Clay read out a donation that made him freeze.

“Hi Dream, I’m a big fan of you and George! I was just wondering if you like poetry? If so, I recommend this online collection called ‘tales of a mending heart’!” Clay read out enthusiastically.

George’s world ground to a halt.

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. There’s no way any of his fans had found out about his site, surely? He frantically opened a new browser and searched up his website checking for any recent surges in activity. It all looked fairly normal. He frowned, confusion setting in. But he was ripped from his thoughts as he heard Clay respond to the donation.

“I do like poetry actually! In fact I’m pretty sure that I recognise that name, I’m a fan of the work.”

Time seemed to stand still. George sat in shock, his mouth hung open slightly and his eyebrows were raised. He pinched himself, convinced that this couldn’t be real. But he grimaced at the pain, this was definitely real. He vaguely registered that Sapnap was laughing at Clay for his admission to liking poetry but George couldn’t snap himself out of his state of shock. _He’s read my poems._

Karl must have realised what was going on as George could hear him racing to change the subject and scolding Sapnap for laughing at Clay.

“I- i um I have to go. I’m sorry, talk to you all soon.” George blurted out, he couldn’t handle this. He heard noises of complaint and confusion but he left the call without giving any further explanation. He couldn't comprehend that Clay had read his such personal poems that he’d written about him. Of course Clay didn’t know George had written them let alone that they were about him. But the mere fact he knew they existed was a lot for George to take in right now.

George was so overwhelmed with nerves, anger, confusion and hurt that he couldn’t hold back the tears as they started falling again. He brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them tightly and he sobbed. It felt like his world was crumbling around him and he couldn't do anything to stop it. He knew that he was probably overreacting but that wouldn’t stop his crying. His cheeks were hot and puffy. He shook gently with the effort of crying, already mentally exhausted from his nonstop thoughts.

His pale skin was softly illuminated by the moonlight that seeped in through his window. He looked fragile, on the verge of breaking, huddled up on his chair sniffling and crying into his sleeves.

But after a few minutes of therapeutic crying George felt oddly a lot better. He’d been pushing away his feelings for so long that eventually they had been forced out. Now that he’d allowed himself to feel them all, he felt much better. He dried his eyes with his sleeves and switched the tabs on his computer so that he could pull up Clay’s stream. He hoped that he hadn’t made things awkward by leaving so abruptly.

Thankfully, they were all laughing and goofing around, now with Tommy and Tubbo also in the call. George settled down into his chair and let their voices calm him down. He soon found himself laughing as he watched Tommy repeatedly die to Clay who was wheezing comically at Tommy’s arrogance. His cheeks still stung lightly, a quiet reminder of how upset he’d been before. But right now he was starting to cheer up so he relaxed.

Clay eventually announced that he was going to end stream and George let out a yawn. All this emotional flip flopping had worn him out. He listened to Clay’s entire outro, he told himself it was only because for Clay’s benefit and not because he loved listening to him talk. When it ended, he switched off his monitor and stretched in his seat, letting out a soft groan as he did. He then lazily jumped into bed and got under the covers, grateful for the comfort they brought. And he was just beginning to drift off when a loud ringtone sounded, coming from his phone.

George groaned, _what now?_

He reluctantly reached over for his phone that was currently resting on his bedside table. Clay was calling him. Too tired to think much of it, he answered immediately.

“What’s up? -m tired” George whined.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I can call back later if you want?” Clay said softly.

“Mm no it’s okay, I’m awake now.” George said and grudgingly sat up in bed.

“Alright well, I was just calling to see if you’re okay because you left kinda suddenly today.” Clay said and George could hear the concern in his voice.

“Oh um yeah I’m fine. My mum just needed me for something that’s all.” George lied, rubbing the back of his neck as he spoke.

“Weren’t you just sleeping though?” Clay replied whimsically, clearly onto the fact that George was lying.

_Oops._

“Oh right um yeah I was, it didn’t take long.” George said unconvincingly.

“Right. So anyways, what I actually wanted to talk about was um,” Clay went quiet for a while.

“Clay? You still there?” George said, checking his phone to make sure that he hadn’t accidentally hung up.

“Yeah, yeah sorry. Did you want to have that conversation now? About the dreams?” Clay said and George was sure that he sounded nervous. He rubbed his eyes in an effort to feel more awake for this.

“Sure thing.” George wasn’t sure what else to say, this was unknown territory for them. It was a step further than their occasional playful flirting and he didn’t know how to approach it.

Clay always was better with his words then George. He’d envied that about him for a long time. His ability to think on his feet, be able to come up with articulate and clever responses to anything without having to think. That was something that George couldn't imagine being able to do. His mind seemed to be empty when it came to speaking his thoughts aloud.

“So… I think you were saying last time that we like fell asleep together or something in your dream right?” Clay boldly made the first move.

George was really not prepared for this right now. It was all he had been thinking about for days on end yet somehow, the right words escaped him.

“Oh um yeah, that was the end of the dream. When I opened my eyes I was awake in my bed.” George said, hesitant to reveal anything just yet. Memories of the dream replayed in his mind unwillingly. He tugged lightly at the shirt he was wearing, suddenly his room was a little warmer.

“The same thing happened in mine.” Clay said quietly. So quietly in fact that George was beginning to think he’d made it up until Clay continued.

“Um shit George I don’t know how to say this.” He started, his voice sounded so worried, George had never heard him like this. It made him tear up a little thinking that he’d made him feel this way.

“Try. Please. For me.” George said, worrying his lip in anticipation of what was to come.

Clay sighed and began talking, “Okay well in my dream when we were y’know um cuddling, for some reason you um” George heard Clay shifting in his chair. He held tightly onto his sheets, unsure of what he was going to say.

“For some reason you kissed me, like on the neck.” Clay said at last. George’s breath hitched, _that happened to him too?_

“I don’t know why it happened, i-it’s not like I’ve thought about it before or anything you know, it just happened.” Clay stammered.

George’s heart sank a little at that but he shrugged it off.

“Dude we like basically had the exact same dream. You did that to me in mine.” George spoke as confidently as he could manage.

“Really?” Clay said his voice was soft, _hopeful?_

George swallowed and let out a shaky breath. “Yes.”

“How um how do you feel about it all then?” Clay said tentatively.

George hesitated. He wasn’t entirely sure yet and he definitely wasn’t sure about telling Clay until he’d figured that out. “I don’t know.” He said truthfully. Perhaps not knowing was worse? Did Clay think he was weird for not knowing? Surely if they were just friends it’d be easy to laugh the whole thing off, so why weren’t they?

“Me neither.” Clay said, his voice sounded relieved. He seemed to have gained confidence from this as he continued speaking. “I think maybe I might just be touch starved, but it felt really good to be held like that.” Clay laughed awkwardly.

George’s cheeks flushed immediately. He definitely related to that. With George’s online presence and his naturally introverted personality, it’d been really hard to find someone to make his nights less lonely. He hadn’t been in a serious relationship for a few years now, so he really missed the feeling of being with someone.

He did wonder though, was the hug nice just because he was being hugged or was because it was Clay that was hugging him.

“Yeah me too man.” George replied.

Clay let out another laugh before saying, “I know it was only a dream but man George you really are short you know.”

George joined in with his laughter but couldn’t stop the feeling of butterflies in his stomach.

“Oh come on now Dream, I bet you loved being held by me. I’m sure it made you feel like a big tough man huh?” George flirted jokingly.

Suddenly, Clay was no longer laughing and George thought he heard him curse quietly but he wasn’t sure. _Too soon?_

“Fuck George, don’t you know what you do to me when you say shit like that?” Clay said and George felt himself go light headed.

“What do you mean?” George whispered, barely able to hear his own voice over the sound of his heart hammering in his chest.

“Oh George come on. You know exactly what to say to get to me.” Clay replied, his voice laced with his all too familiar flirting tone.

“Get to you how?” George replied innocently.

Clay didn’t reply so George kept going, a new found confidence now flowing through him, “You mean that I turn you on huh?” He winced a little as the words left his mouth. _That was definitely too far._

The call went silent.

George frowned and looked at his phone. The call had been ended. He furrowed his brows together, _was it really that bad? Shit._

He bit his nails anxiously and called Clay back.

A voice that wasn’t the soft, buttery one he’d been expecting rang through his ears.

“We’re sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you believe you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try your call again.” A heartless and robotic voice spoke.

The phone slipped from George’s hand. Had Clay blocked him?

He was stunned. He thought the conversation had been going well.

George was so exhausted that he couldn’t cry so he just sat there in silence. The darkness of his empty room surrounding him and swallowing him whole. He sank slowly back down into his bed, barely able to move. His hugged his sheets tightly, squeezing his eyes shut and begging for sleep. He really couldn’t deal with this, he couldn’t lose Clay. He meant far too much to him.

He couldn’t help it, he tried to cry but no tears would come out. So he shook silently, gripping his sheets so hard that his knuckles turned white.

This had been pretty much the only outcome that he hadn’t anticipated, and it was far worse than he could have imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading and happy new year all ! I hope 2021 treats you all well :)


	5. Bruises for dessert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> did Clay really block George or was something else the cause of their abrupt phonecall end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: sexual content, read at your own discretion 
> 
> sorry for leaving you all on a cliffhanger! but finally here is chapter 5 :) it's kinda long, hope you enjoy !!

Quiet. The whole world seemed to be painfully quiet. George woke up in complete silence, apparently not even the birds felt like singing this morning.

For a blissful few moments after waking, his sleep lax brain took a while to remember everything that had happened last night. But eventually, of course, reality caught up with him and his stomach sank. Anxiety pricked up his neck and George rushed to examine his phone in case he had missed any calls or texts from Clay. He sincerely hoped that last night had just been a misunderstanding and Clay had reached out to him to explain.

Hope filled him as he noticed that he had received a message overnight. George fumbled to unlock his phone and see who it was from, he crossed his fingers that it was Clay.

“Hey George, just wondering how you’re doing after that donation on Dream’s stream last night?” A text message from Karl read.

Disappointment immediately overcame him despite attempts at convincing himself that he didn’t care. Disappointment was instantly replaced by guilt, he should be grateful that he had such a kind friend like Karl who reaches out to check on him so often. He cleared his throat and shook the feeling before typing out a response.

“Hi, thanks for texting. I’m not doing too great honestly. Me and Dream talked after his stream and it ended with him blocking me. I think.” George bit his nails nervously as he remembered the automatic message that he’d heard last night. And if he was being honest, he’d called back Clay’s number a few times before falling asleep, hoping to hear a different voice. But each time he was met with the same heartless message. Karl didn’t take long to reply.

“I’m so sorry to hear that man :( How do you know he blocked you?”

George pondered this for a moment. He supposed that he’d just assumed the reason he couldn’t reach him was because Clay had blocked him. _Maybe there was another explanation?_ He hoped with all his might that there was another reason.

“Well I guess I don’t know 100% if he blocked me but every time I call him I just reach an answer machine thing that says the number is disconnected or not in service.” George sent back.

“Perhaps he just ran out of credit? Has he text you on Discord or anything?” Karl replied.

Admittedly, this thought hadn’t even crossed George’s mind. He had just rushed to the conclusion that Clay had blocked him without really considering any other options. He hadn’t checked Discord so it was entirely possible that what Karl was suggesting could have been what actually happened. His heart sped up in anticipation. He quickly typed Karl a message:

“Maybe! I’ll go check Discord now. Thank you Karl :]”

When it had sent George shoved off his bedsheets and hopped out of bed. He hurriedly yanked on a grey shirt and casual jeans from his wardrobe before sitting in his chair and booting up his computer. He rapped his fingers against his desk impatiently as everything loaded in excruciatingly slowly. Finally, he was able to open Discord (which also took an absurdly long time to load in all his conversations). Every second that passed made him more and more agitated.

He had 4 new conversations. His eyes scanned over the usernames carefully. He had new messages from; Sapnap, Karl, Tommy and at the very bottom was Clay. George was shaking slightly as he hovered his mouse over their DM before letting out a deep breath and clicking it open.

Clay had tried to call George five time and sent a whole screen of messages: “Shit George please pick up.” , “George please” , “Whenever you see this please know I didn’t hang up or block you, my contract was up on my phone” , “I’m so sorry if I worried you, I hope you see this soon!”

George let out a huge sigh of relief. He ran his still shaking fingers through his hair and laughed slightly to himself. He took some deep breaths to calm down before reading the last and latest message Clay had sent. This was sent a little bit later than the others, _had Clay been up all night thinking about this too?_ The message read:

“p.s I didn’t get the chance to answer your question last night so, yes. Maybe you do turn me on ;)”

George sucked in a deep breath as he felt butterflies instantly fill up his stomach. A feeling he had become used to now. He kept rereading the message over and over trying to detect any hints of sarcasm before realising he should probably actually reply to Clay to let him know he’d seen the messages. He guessed that Clay would be asleep as it was only 10am in England so it would be around 5am in Florida. But he sent a message anyway so he’d see it whenever he woke up.

“Hi! I only just saw these messages and yes you caused me one hell of a panic :[ But I forgive you anyways!” George bit his lip anxiously, wondering whether to respond to Clay’s last message.

After wracking his brain for a while, he decided against it. George wasn’t exactly good with words at the best of times and even worse when it came to flirting. He reasoned that if Clay wanted to continue that conversation he would probably bring it up himself.

He sat back in his chair trying to process everything. This morning had been a rollercoaster of emotions and he hadn’t even eaten breakfast yet. At the thought of food, his stomach grumbled and he realised that he'd actually gone to bed last night without eating dinner cause he was too nervous for an appetite. But now he felt like he could eat a whole banquet.

George wandered lazily over to his kitchen and opened his fridge to be met with disappointingly empty shelves. He sighed and noted that he’d have to go shopping today. He turned towards his cupboards and prayed for literally anything that could serve as breakfast. Thankfully he had some cereal boxes and decided that was good enough. He poured himself a bowl of whatever was closest and used up the last of his milk.

He made his way back to his bedroom and sat down in his chair whilst opening up a new tab to watch some YouTube. When he’d finished his slightly underwhelming breakfast, George remembered that is was Karl who had suggested he should check Discord so he should probably let him know how that went. George grabbed his phone and opened their conversation:

“Hi! Just thought you should know that you were right about Clay, his contract ran out so everything is all good, thanks again :]” He smiled again at how lucky he was to have such good friends.

“Great news man! Happy for you :)” Came Karl’s reply.

Maybe things weren’t so bad after all. George considered himself generally pretty lucky. He’d had a nice childhood and ever since his YouTube career with Clay took off, he didn’t have to worry about money as much. He didn’t have much to complain about really. The only thing he felt was really missing was someone to share his life with.

Familiar pangs of loneliness crept in again, as they always did when George thought about his love life. It’d been a while since anyone had made him feel something, like the way Clay does. Maybe that was why he was finding this all so overwhelming. Or maybe it was the fear of losing his friend or the constant nagging at the back of his head that this was all just some big joke being played on him.

He opened discord again, checking for any new messages from Clay. A pointless task of course as he would still be sleeping but he checked nonetheless. No new messages appeared as he’d suspected and it dawned on George that he had a lot of time to kill before he would likely hear from Clay again. He ran through some potential time wasting options; watch a couple movies, play some games with friends, go food shopping. He guessed he’d probably have time for a few of them but shopping seemed the most productive so he decided he should start there.

Settled on his plan, George grabbed his earphones and set out on his journey. He smiled faintly as a cheerful tune he’d become well accustomed to began playing. He was immediately reminded of how he did this very same thing only a few weeks ago. It felt like months had passed since then, the song took on a happier meaning now than it had done back then. It felt far more hopeful now, he was more hopeful now.

* * *

Food shopping sufficiently wasted a good portion of his morning as he made a point of walking slowly and taking a less direct route there and back home. He took in his surroundings and though he could hardly distinguish them, George noticed different shades of leaves had begun to litter the trees. He smiled softly to himself, Autumn was his favourite time of year. The days were chilly and shorter but that made the warmth of his home even more cozy. He sighed as he tried not to imagine the warmth he could gain from sharing his apartment with someone else…

By the time he was home it was now lunch and having not eaten a particularly filling breakfast, George began unpacking and making use of his now stocked fridge. He made himself a sandwich and jumped onto his black sofa to watch some TV. He flicked through a couple channels before settling on some kind of nature documentary to watch while he ate.

George noticed himself checking the time every half an hour or so, willing it to be a reasonable time for Clay to wake up. Eventually 3pm rolled around, 10am Florida time, and George leapt off his sofa and into his room to check Discord. Giddy as a kid at a theme park, George booted up his computer and tried to settle his nerves, crossing his fingers that Clay was awake.

He had no new messages from him. His heart sank a little. He reasoned that it was still sorta early so he should’ve expected this.

He slumped back into the living room and sank back down into his sofa defeatedly, switching channels again searching for a good distraction. He certainly was not going to get upset about this. He selected a movie that he’d heard of before but not seen; Call Me By Your Name. After reading the description of the film his cheeks flushed a little as it was a romance between two boys, but he told himself nothing else was really on and so he stuck with it.

About halfway through he realised his mistake. This has not taken his mind off of Clay at all. His face had burned red at any scenes between the two boys where they were intimate. He tried desperately not to think of Clay doing those things to him. But his mind always wandered back to him despite himself. His fingers lightly, absentmindedly, traced the skin of his own lips as he stared at the TV in awe. He would be lying if he said the idea of doing this with Clay didn’t excite him. He swallowed as he fought back images that rushed to his mind.

By the end of the movie, he had admittedly shed a few tears. A lot of tears. His heart broke a little as it always did when he watched sad movies. George was far too empathetic for his own good.

But he realised as he clicked off the TV that it was now the early hours of the evening. Surely Clay must have responded by now?

To George’s immense disappointment, there were still no new messages. He frowned a little but told himself he’d give Clay a bit more time. He decided to make dinner and then check in again after. So, he did just that. He’d even washed up all his dishes to give Clay extra time.

After delaying as long as possible, George sat down at his desk and opened up Discord again. He held his breath in anticipation.

“Hey Georgie! I’m really sorry for worrying you and I know it’s kinda late now, call me when you see this and we can catch up :)”

George sighed a heavy breath of relief. He checked when the message was sent, only 15 minutes ago apparently. He typed back a quick: “Hello, no worries I’ll call you now!” He gave it a minute or so before calling Clay on Discord. It took Clay less than that to pick up.

His voice came like honey through his headphones. “Hey George, how are you doing?”

He smiled a goofy grin to himself, so caught up in his happiness in fact that he almost forgot to respond. “You there George?”

“Oh sorry, yeah I’m here. I’m good thanks, how are you?” George said, his happiness obvious in his tone.

“I’m good too, thanks. Sorry for being absent all day, I’ve been busy sorting out my new phone contract.” George instantly felt incredibly silly for not realising that this was why Clay hasn’t been replying all day.

“Oh no worries at all, I wasn’t like waiting or anything.” George lied through his awkward laugh.

“Good good.” Clay said and waited a moment before speaking again, “Pretty shit timing for my contract to run out huh? The conversation was just starting to get interesting last night.” George could practically see the grin that Clay had plastered on his face as he said this.

“Yeah, yeah I guess.” George laughed anxiously and stumbled over his words. He silently wished that he was better at this.

“That reminds me though, you never responded to what I said?” Clay said, the smirk evident in his voice. It was a statement but he spoke it as a question, inviting George to continue.

George’s heart rate began to climb as he remembered what he had said on their call last night, _you mean that I turn you on?_ He flushed a deep red remembering Clay’s text response this morning, _maybe you do turn me on._ He had deliberately avoided answering it then and that had now come back to bite him. George must have been silent for a while because Clay spoke again.

“I’m sorry if this is too far Georgie, you can tell me to stop if you’re uncomfortable.” His voice was soft and cautious. This was just as new and scary to him as it was to George.

“N-no it’s okay. I wanted to respond earlier, I really did I just.” George surprised himself at the urgency in his voice, “I couldn’t find the right words that’s all.” He’d been honest, which was all he could do.

“That’s okay, we don’t have to…” Clay trailed off a little. Something in George told him that it was now or never. If he wanted this, he had to be brave and take a leap.

“I want to. It’s all I think about... You’re all I think about.” George squeezed his eyes shut, bracing himself for ridicule or anger or anything but,

“Really?” The softness and emotion with which Clay spoke was enough to melt George.

“Yes.” Was all he could say, he feared anything else could have given away his nauseating anxiety.

“Fuck George. You’re all I think about too.” Clay spoke purposefully, _relieved?_

George suddenly felt a lot warmer. _Did he really feel the same way?_

He felt more confident as he spoke again now, “In what way,” _Now or never George, come on_. “In what way do you think about me?” George could hear how Clay’s breath hitched on the other end of the call. The noise was enough to send sparks through him.

Clay spoke with a hint of something indescribable, “In every way that I shouldn’t.”

George felt butterflies at Clay’s words. He was overcome by desire. “Maybe you should tell me about it.”

“Now, now George you’re gonna start something you can’t finish if you’re not careful. You probably couldn’t handle me like that.” Clay warned but his voice was laced with lust.

George pushed him further. “I can handle more than you think. Try me.” He was never one to back down from a challenge.

Clay mused slightly before speaking, “I think about what I could do to you. How you would react to me.”

George’s eyelids fluttered shut as he listened to Clay’s low rumbly voice. Clay continued, “You sure are quiet Georgie but I bet you wouldn’t be with me. I bet I could make you scream for me.” George gasped quietly at this. “Or if you won’t talk, your body will.” Clay’s voice was eager, he knew exactly what he was doing to George.

George’s breathing became heavier as he whimpered slightly at the thought. A simple “Mhm.” Was all he managed, he’d wanted this for a while and it was overwhelming now.

Clay chuckled, “God you’re already melting for me. You like the sound of that Georgie?”

George felt weak, _fuck yes he liked that._ “Y-yes that sounds amazing.”

“Good, good.” Clay whispered and George felt shivers travel down his spine. “You want me to keep going?”

George didn’t hesitate “Yes, please.” The desperation in his voice clear as day and he felt a little embarrassed to hear himself like this.

Clay only sighed before saying, “So eager aren’t you?” He paused briefly as if weighing up what to say next before continuing, “I bet you’d look amazing below me, my hand holding you down by your neck. I’d make sure you see stars Georgie.”

George bit back a moan. He had never even tried any of what Clay suggested but fuck did he make it sound hot. And goddamn his voice had never sounded better, it was like a drug and George was hooked. He needed more, so much more.

“Fuck. I really hate to cut this short but I have more shit to do today.” Clay sighed, his irritation obvious.

George will admit that he was disappointed but also slightly relieved. This had been a lot. It’d been hot as fuck, but a lot. He glanced down at the tent that had formed in his joggers and sighed. “That’s okay, maybe we can pick up another day.” He said, trying to mask his disappointment.

“Sure thing Georgie. I look forward to it.” Clay said, his voice still brimming with lust. It made George shiver.

Once Clay had left the call George sat back in his chair and groaned in irritation. He knew that he’d now have to deal with the issue that Clay had caused him. He felt shame lick at his cheeks. This felt wrong, he shouldn’t want to do this, but yet he did.

Hesitantly, he reached down to pull off his sweats. He was mixed with feelings of guilt, excitement, shame and lust. He swallowed and his breaths became more rapid as he became suddenly nervous. _What if this was a step too far?_

He shook off the feeling and tried to relax. If he didn’t think about Clay then it wasn't weird right? It didn’t matter if Clay was the one who caused this… right?

Pushing all these thoughts aside, George gave in. His breaths became deeper and he whimpered slightly at the pleasure of finally touching himself. Experimentally, he reached up to hold his neck lightly just as Clay had said he’d like. Unsure on how to do this properly, he squeezed slightly but it was hard enough to send ripples of ecstasy through him.

Initially, it was a strange sensation as pressure built up at his temples, mixing with the pleasure that was building lower too. Lost in the way it made him feel, George gripped a little tighter. He groaned at the added pressure it created. Clay was right, this was exactly what he liked. His eyes snapped open. _Clay._

He couldn’t help himself, images of Clay pinning him down, holding his neck just as he did now flooded his mind. It was too much. George strangled out a moan as he came and fought back the urge to shout Clay’s name.

He finally released his neck and gulped down fresh air, breathing properly at last. His throat felt scratchy as he raggedly breathed in and out. Slightly alarmed, he cleaned himself up and rushed to the bathroom to examine his neck.

Once there, he looked in the mirror and gasped at the person who stared back at him. He hardly recognised himself; his skin was lightly glimmering with sweat, his cheeks were blotched a crimson red. But what shocked him most were the soft dots of purple and blue that lined his neck. George suddenly felt incredibly embarrassed despite no one being around to see his wrecked state.

Lightly, his fingers grazed over the spots of purple on his neck and he winced a little at the sharp stabs of pain it emitted. He would have to find a way to conceal these if he ever had to see anybody.

It was at this moment one of his rushes of creative inspiration struck him. He dashed back to his computer and opened up a black document to begin typing.

_Your words suffocate me,_

_Filling up my entirety,_

_I bruise up my own neck chasing my twisted sense of euphoria,_

_You leave me again with every exhalation._

This one was a little different than most of his other poems but oddly he felt no shame in uploading it. He felt liberated in posting such a private and personal experience online.

A few minutes after it had been uploaded, a message came in from Nightmare. This had become almost a routine now and George smiled at the familiarity. The message read;

“Woah dude this one is great! Feels super intimate, I like it, keep it up :)”

George inexplicably caught himself blushing little at the praise. He typed back;

“Thank you so much! I was a little nervous to post it, glad you like it :]” Their friendship – _could he call it that? –_ was a bit odd. George hardly even knew the person’s name but he still felt strangely connected to them.

“No worries man. We seem to be pretty alike, you always appear to write just what I was thinking about. Weird coincidence huh?”

George frowned a little a this. Seemed like a strange thing to say. He replied a simple, “Oh that is kinda funny.” And tried to shake the feeling of unease that was brewing within him.

He wasn’t expecting a response but one came anyway:

“Oh come on now, aren’t you curious to know more about me?”

_Oh come on now._

_That seemed kinda… familiar?_

Cautiously, George sent back a reply; “Sure, what do you feel comfortable telling me?” He went with a neutral response, unsure where this was going. It took a little longer this time for a reply, but eventually one came:

“How about we start with my name?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehe left you guys on a cliffhanger again omg I'm sorry !! thank you all for the support <3


	6. Constellations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmare's name is revealed and Clay and George discuss an incident that occured unbeknown to George.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg it's been like a month I'm so sorry, been caught up with college and university work !! hopefully it was worth the wait , this chapter is a little shorter tho! :) CW: mild discussion of sexual themes (not much tho)

“How about we start with my name?”

George stared at his computer screen that was currently glaring harsh white light at him. He sat watching the blinking line disappear and reappear in his chat box. He was lost for the right way to reply.

On the one hand he was kind of excited to know more about this stranger whom he had so oddly crossed paths with. On the other hand he had this feeling, he couldn’t quite put his finger on it but it just felt _off._

George let out a dramatic sigh and leant back into his chair. It was getting pretty late now and his ‘fun’ earlier had left him a little exhausted and weak. He tried to ignore the stabs of pain he felt whenever he tilted his head or moved his neck slightly. A little bit of guilt rose up in him again at the memory but he shook it off.

He consciously went over all the information he already knew about Nightmare. This person was 21 and a guy. That was about it really, not much to go on.

Apprehensively, George typed out a neutral: “Sure thing, if you’re okay with that.” He remembered that Nightmare previously hadn’t wanted to reveal his identity. George wondered briefly what had changed since then.

He replied quickly, “Yeah it’s fine. Felt time enough I should return the pleasantry.”

A pause, and then.

“My name is Clay.”

George’s mouth hung open and he froze. _Was it possible this was the same Clay as his Clay?_

His mind was racing a hundred miles an hour. He thought back to the donation and how Clay had said he recognised his website. He thought about the more explicit nature of his most recent poem. And worst of all, he thought about how he’d admitted his name to this person already.

_Fuck._

George tried desperately to reassure himself. _There’s probably millions of Clay’s… Who are 21… And read poetry… Millions._

He absolutely could not deal with this right now. He sent back a blank, “Cool.” And pushed out his chair. Defeatedly, he sank into bed and allowed the worries to consume him.

It was late but George couldn’t sleep. His thoughts kept him awake, his eyes glued to the ceiling in hopes the answer to his woes would somehow materialise before him.

George was no stranger to nights like this. Anxiety and worry was something he had lived with most of his life. He wasn’t entirely sure why he had developed it, and it was far better now as he had grown up, but it reared its ugly head from time to time. Tonight was one of those times.

Remembering his exercises he used to do as a teenager, George took some deep breaths in and out. His eyes stung with the threat of tears. More breaths; in and out.

This went on for a few minutes or so until his pulse had returned back to a normal level and his thoughts quietened. He reassured himself that the chances of this being the same Clay were very low, it was just a very creepy coincidence.

Speaking of creepy coincidences, George’s phone pinged suddenly. The unexpected intrusion had made him jump a little and he laughed sheepishly to himself at his reaction.

After the initial shock came a crushing wave of realisation. There was only one person whom he kept notifications on for all at times. He swallowed harshly. And painfully slowly he reached over for his phone on his bedside table.

When he lifted it, George noticed it was lit up with a text from the very man who had been occupying his thoughts all night.

“Hey Georgie, I’m sure you’re probably asleep now but I can’t get you off my mind. I went to join back on the call earlier, but it seemed like you were… busy. Text me whenever you wake up :)”

George’s heart dropped. _Had he not left the fucking call earlier?_ Although, he couldn’t see, he was willing to bet money that his cheeks were on fire right now. He had never felt so embarrassed in his life. Previous worries about poetry and names forgotten, this was an entirely new and all too real situation. He couldn’t imagine what Clay must have thought of him.

And yet, he rationed, Clay hadn’t seemed put off by this. He hadn’t called him a weirdo and told him to never contact him again. He raked his eyes over the familiar pet name ‘Georgie’. It was sickening how his stomach did flips every time he read it.

He felt a shiver of déjà vu as George once again found himself staring at yet another blinking line unsure how to respond. In theory he didn’t have to say anything as Clay was assuming that he was asleep. But George knew there was no way he would be able to fall asleep now. He needed answers.

So, he put on a brave face and called Clay.

As he listened to the soft burrs echo through his speaker, he become more nervous. _Would this be awkward? Had he made Clay uncomfortable?_

George tugged at his hair to alleviate some tension as he waited for Clay to pick up. Fortunately, he didn’t have to wait much longer.

“Hey George what’s up? I thought you’d be sleeping.” Clay’s sweet voice rang casually through the phone. _A good sign._

“Oh um, I’m okay I just... couldn’t sleep. I mainly called to ask about the text you just sent me.” George said feigning confidence.

Clay laughed nervously before saying, “Ah I see.”

He appeared to not want to elaborate, so George spoke next. “Yeah so, what um happened? I thought we both left the call and the was the end of it.” George knew that this probably wasn’t what had happened but it was worth a shot.

“Not quite Georgie.” Clay said, his voice had an air of humour but it was also a little flirty, as if he was teasing him.

George blushed a little as his confidence began to waver. “Wh-what happened then?” He chastised himself for stammering, not wanting to give away how nervous he was.

Clay chucked again and it sent ripples down George's spine. “Well, once I was done with the errands I needed to do, I went back onto discord and noticed you were still on our call, so of course I joined to talk to you. ” Clay paused here and George was sure it was deliberately done to torment him. “But imagine my surprise when I’m met with the lewd noises that you were emitting.”

George went completely red now. It definitely didn’t help that Clay was laughing, not unkindly, and almost wheezing down the phone.

“I’m literally mortified. I don’t even know what to say.” George finally said, wincing as Clay continued to laugh softly.

“It’s okay George don’t be silly, I don’t care. It’s perfectly normal for guys to want to act on their emotions and explore…” Clay couldn’t even finish because George had cut him off with groans of protest and disgust which had them both laughing.

After a moment, George spoke. “Seriously though, are you okay with this? I’m not sure how much you heard or anything...” He trailed off as he remembered how he had called Clay’s name, he cringed a little and hoped Clay hadn’t stayed long enough to hear that.

“Oh I heard everything Georgie. Everything.” Clay teased.

“Ugh can the ground just swallow me up already.” George whined, somehow even more embarrassed.

“Relax George it’s okay. Seriously.” Clay hesitated before adding, “It’s not as if I haven’t thought about… Y’know… I’ve done it too.”

Well that certainly lifted George’s spirits.

With more confidence than he’d had previously he said, “Oh really?” His voice thick with seduction.

Clay replied simply with “Yes.”

George ate up the way Clay’s voice sounded. It was soft with tiredness but honest, it was like music to his ears. Practically buzzing, George took the lead in their conversation, “Well maybe we should make each other aware next time we get those… feelings.” He surprised himself with the surety and charm of which he spoke.

Clay took an audibly deep breath before speaking, “I’d very much like that George, if you’re comfortable of course.”

His words hung heavy in the air as George took a moment to slow down and think. They were approaching a threshold, an invisible line in the sand that once they crossed, they couldn’t come back from. _Was this a risk George was willing to take? Was it worth it, was he worth it?_

George thought back to hours and hours of shared laughter and inside jokes. He thought about restless nights, lying awake in guilt and uncertainty. Maybe he had wanted this for longer than he cared to admit. Maybe Clay had too. He remembered countless occasions where he had been asked if the pair were dating and he’d laughed and shrugged off the idea. But secretly he’d stay awake analysing what Clay said and why they were asked this so often.

He kept coming back to the inevitable problem: _what if it went wrong? Was he willing to sacrifice their friendship?_

Clay had been such a huge part of his life for as long as he could remember. They had practically grown up together. He thought of the possible repercussions, the impact on their friend group, on his YouTube career and their fans. This was heavy shit. Probably not something to be decided overnight.

George became aware that he hadn’t spoken in a while as he heard Clay cough on the other end of the speaker. The silence hadn’t been awkward but he owed Clay an answer by now.

“I think that I would be comfortable Clay. You know that I trust you and um I’m keen to keep exploring whatever this,” George made a kind of gesture that Clay couldn’t see, “is, us I mean. Whatever we are. Obviously I’m cautious but that’s where my head is at right now.”

George felt relieved having let all that out. It was pretty scary to be so open and honest but he’d said that he trusted Clay and he meant it. The ball was now firmly in Clay’s court.

Clay appeared to ponder George for a moment as he took a little bit longer to reply. George had almost begun to wonder if he’d actually fallen asleep, rendering his whole heart on sleeve moment useless, but then he spoke.

“I agree. Honestly I never would have imagined that we’d have even got this far.” Clay laughed nervously to himself.

George weakly returned the laugh and said, “Me neither to be honest.” And then, “I never would have guessed y’know…” The air felt noticeably thicker now.

“Yeah well, I wasn’t exactly confident that it was mutual. I thought I made it kinda clear that I was interested.” Clay definitely sounded nervous.

“Oh, I’d always assumed you were joking and it didn’t mean anything to be honest.” George rubbed his neck, matching Clay’s nerves.

“Hmm, I thought the same.” Clay mused. They sat in a comfortable silence for a bit. Both equally lost in thought.

Clay was the one to break it again. “So does that mean you were serious when you sent me that tiktok about wanting to rail me?”

They both erupted into fierce laughter. That had certainly helped alleviate some of the tension that had been building.

It went quiet as their laughter died down and George became acutely aware that although he had been joking, Clay might’ve actually wanted an answer. _Ah, so this was flirting, been a while since these skills had been dusted off._

“Perhaps. I-if that would be something you were interested in.” He blurted out. _Smooth._

Clay chuckled, voice low and in his best posh voice Clay said “That could be something that I would not object to.”

They both giggled awkwardly as the reality of their confessions hit. There was some more silence. Traversing their new dynamic had been more difficult than they had expected. George wasn’t sure what to say next. Even though he had been joking, his mind had begun to wander and he was imagining some not very PG scenarios.

“Were you um, were you serious earlier when we agreed to making each other aware when we had those… feelings?” George fought against every nerve that tried to hold him back.

“Yes. Why do you ask Georgie?” Clay said with an almost audible smirk.

There was that name again… His stomach did some sort of gymnastics.

“Don’t make me say it.” George replied timidly.

“Oh come on now. Be good and use your words.” Clay sounded far too confident. It made George shiver to hear him speak like this. This side of Clay that only he could see, it was private and special and hot as fuck.

“Ugh fine. You’re literally insufferable. I’m currently having those… feelings.” George just about managed to get out.

“Interesting. Well what do you suggest that we do about that?” Clay practically whispered, his voice dripping with lust. George loved it, he hung onto every word as it left his mouth.

“I um, I took your advice last time. I mean on what I would like.” George cringed as he spoke, unsure quite why he had said that.

“Oh, really?” Clay said, clearly a little caught off guard as well. He quickly collected himself as he continued, “What did you try Georgie?”

George’s breath hitched. He hadn’t really planned to get this far and now he was faced with admitting his private experience with Clay.

“I um, well I…” George stammered and squirmed as he struggled to say the words.

“How about you show me?” Clay’s voice was gentle and reassuring yet a hint of mischief remained.

George never was very good with his words so he nodded in agreement before realising Clay couldn’t actually see him and so mumbled out an “Okay.”

He nervously opened snapchat and swiped to the camera. He was met with his own face that was flushed a crimson red. He hesitated before letting his hand reach up to curl his slender fingers around his neck. He took a deep breath and angled his phone so that his neck and chest was in frame, the photo cut off at his mouth that was turned up in a crooked, awkward smile.

George examined the photo carefully. He saw the pale skin of his chest and the little dips at where his fingers clutched his neck. He noticed that there were still some red marks from where he had experimented earlier. He blushed a little as he realised he looked actually almost hot. George took a deep breath as he hovered his finger over Clay’s name, he let it go as he clicked it.

George could hear his heart hammering against his chest as he anxiously awaited Clay’s response. He sat refreshing his screen impatiently waiting for the snap to be opened. He held his breath when he saw it had finally been.

“Fuck. That’s- You look… Fuck.” Clay sounded almost awestruck. George giggled a little as he saw Clay had replayed the snap and took a screenshot of it.

“Hey.” George pouted, “How come you get to save that and I don’t even get to see you at all?” He put on his best playful, irritated voice.

The stretch of silence that followed made George think he had actually upset Clay. Of course, he hadn’t been serious as he had never actually seen Clay before (aside from in his dream but he wasn’t sure if that entirely counted). This is why his jaw dropped when he noticed that he had received a photo from him.

“Dream I- I was kidding you didn’t have to…” He started.

“It’s okay, I wanted to. You deserve it after being so good.” Clay said earnestly.

George swallowed and tried to ignore how the praise had sent shivers throughout him. This somehow made everything feel twice as intimate. He felt flattered that Clay trusted him enough to do this. He cautiously tapped open the picture.

It was a photo of Clay in bed, his chest clearly visible with his hand deliberately resting on top of it. His jaw and a smirk could be seen as well as bits of his wavy blond hair. His eyes were out of shot but George had seen enough to be sure that this was the man he’d seen in his dream all that time ago. Even now, George could still remember the smell of pancakes and the feeling of Clay’s lips against his own skin. The memory made him weak at the knees.

“I um. I don’t know what to say. You’re- Well, fuck me you’re gorgeous.” George sighed, earning him a laugh from Clay.

“Shut up.” He replied, sounding, for the first time in his life, like he was shy.

George took a screenshot as well, for absolutely no reason at all he told himself.

“So, when you said you tried this. Did you enjoy it?”

“Yes.” George said a little too quickly.

Clay mused and then spoke, “I thought so. Looks like you marked yourself up pretty good there.”

George shuddered, “Mhm.”

“I bet you’d have enjoyed it more if it’d been me.”

This knocked the wind from him. I mean he was right of course, but what was he supposed to say to that? What could he say without sounding as desperate as he felt?

He settled on, “We’ll have to find out I guess.”

Clay practically growled. “You really test my self-restraint y’know.”

“Why don’t you just let go then?” George teased.

A pause and then, “Not now. But another time, I promise.” Clay said with a sigh.

George frowned a little. He was almost afraid he’d pushed Clay too far if it hadn’t been for the promise of it happening in the future.

“It’s getting late and you ought to sleep.” Clay justified.

George grinned at the small display of affection. “Okay, you’re probably right. Goodnight, talk soon.”

He chuckled, “I’m always right Georgie. Goodnight and sleep well.”

The call ended.

George blew out the biggest sigh perhaps of all time. He’d been on a rollercoaster of emotions. But in the end he was glad it’d happened. They’d made good progress on the clarity of whatever the hell they were. And of course, flirting with Clay certainly hadn’t been awful either. But as he’d so cockily stated, he was in fact correct and George was tired.

He returned his phone back to the table and wrapped himself up in his bedsheets. He was finally able to sleep with a much calmer mind. And all it has taken was laying his heart on the line and hoping Clay wouldn’t shatter it. Simple really.

Outside the moon shone brighter than ever. It was a clear night, and so, as far as the eye could see, there were clusters of stars that were shinning bright in the sky too. He could have been imagining it, but George thought, from the gap between his curtains, he could make out a constellation that formed the shape of a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally love you guys, your support means so much <3

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading the first chapter! I hope this was okay, like I said I haven't written anything like this for a while now !! feedback and sharing the fic is always appreciated! :)


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